After No Contact with BPD

stressed adhd man

Ripping yourself off of a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder can feel like you’re ripping off your arm.

If you’ve agreed to start no contact, it’s likely been a really difficult process. To put things lightly.

But let’s say you’ve stuck with it – you’ve taken the advice. You’ve cut off contact, you’ve only spoken to them if they’ve spoken to you while being as brief as you can, all of it.

First off, fantastic! That’s a really difficult thing to do, speaking from experience!

…but what now?

Where do you go from there, then?

It’s a good question, one I’ll dive into here in this article.

So about positive signals…

There’s something I want to address as quickly as possible.

A lot of people are under the impression that a positive sign is an automatic fallacy.

Lots of times, I’ll be in a call with someone who’s getting a genuinely good sign from their ex that they are thinking of them.

It starts off sort of small – I’ll touch on why that is a little later into the article – but there is undeniable proof the person I’m talking to is on their ex’s mind.

It could be as small as, maybe the ex reached out to a family member of theirs.

Maybe they’re liking your posts again.

Are they small acts? Yes, but at the same time, they aren’t in a way.

No matter how impactful, they’re showing they are thinking of you again.

Why would they go out of your way to interact with aspects of your life specifically if they were totally done with you?

It doesn’t make sense to if they aren’t.

Anyone who’s done with a painful relationship they want nothing to do with anymore will do whatever is in their power to totally and utterly distance themselves from you.

Otherwise, it’s just going to make getting away from you all the more needlessly difficult.

If you’ve been trapped in an abandoned house for months, desperately trying to get away with your life and go get help, you aren’t gonna go back and jiggle the handle once you’re finally free.

People want to interact with as little aspects of you as they can if they’re truly sick of you.

So, no, them liking a post here and there, reaching out to a friend or family member, or asking you directly about something anyone else could get the answer to isn’t exactly a love confession, it isn’t nothing.

Even still, most people I talk to try to ignore signs like this.

And, I get it. Believe me, I more than get it.

The beginning of a relationship with Borderline Personality is beautiful, strong and addictive.

But if you’re doing no contact, things clearly didn’t go as planned for either of you, despite what was an attraction words would alone struggle to describe.

So it’s understandable why you would trust any signs anymore.

But again – small signs mean big things. Don’t lie to yourself.

It’s commendable to be willing to put down positive feelings for the sake of reality.

But if reality is telling you something positive, like they’re thinking of you, you aren’t doing anything but tormenting yourself.

But if they really do miss me, why aren’t they just saying that?

Admittance is a painful thing.

I don’t mean they’re just being shy, that might be a factor, but I promise it isn’t the main one.

Chances are, during the break up, you begged and pleaded to get them back. But talking someone with BPD out of a breakup is like telling them not to breathe air.

BPD is very impulsive and reactionary, and it is nearly impossible to fight off. They feel like they won’t be able to accomplish anything until they’ve gone through with what they’ve convinced themselves they need to do.

So if you did plead to get them back, they probably have reaffirmed multiple times how sure they were of the breakup.

They probably said things that they hoped would absolutely solidify to you that it just can not work. They may have even screamed and cussed at you to just get away from them.

So knowing all of that; it would be extremely difficult for them to admit they miss you.

By doing that, confessing they are having seconds thoughts, it’s like admitting defeat.

They were wrong. And they were wrong about not only you, but how they felt about everything.

Admitting you’re wrong is a difficult thing to do for a lot of people, and the same goes for Borderline Personality.

It’s hard to just come right out and admit they want you back, and risk the shoe being on the other foot.

It’s much easier to test the waters.

By prodding different parts of your life to see how you react, they see how receptive you are to having them back.

It’s sort of cowardly, but at the same time, it’s reasonable.

So no, you aren’t overreacting to positive signs. You’re seeing progress.

If you don’t want them back, take satisfaction that they’re trying to see how important they still are to you.

If you do want them back, step back, and ride out the wave.

Keep doing what you’ve been doing. Be receptive, but not too warm.

If you keep up your momentum, they’ll eventually get over that hurdle of ego because they just want you that badly.

The tough part is waiting.