Holding On During No Contact

struggling with no contact

No Contact is a struggle. There’s no way around it.

It’s you putting your foot down in a relationship, something a lot of caring people have a tough time doing.

And why wouldn’t they? No Contact is when you look at where you are in your relationship, recognize the other person is – seemingly – moving on, and you decide to stop shoving your love in their face as a reminder of how much they meant to you.

The reason No Contact is so effective, is because its the best way to exude strength and finally demand respect. The person you’ve loved, cared for, fought for, has tossed you away. And your finally going to return the favor.

There’s more to it, but this article will be specifically on how to hang on to No Contact when you’re struggling to get through it. Because, again, it is a struggle. It’s a painful process with unclear progress. But at the end of the day? It’s the best thing you can do for a recently ended relationship.

Step 1: Recognize Where You Are

Before this article goes any further, there’s something that needs to be known. The following steps do show you how to hang on in No Contact. But there’s a specific mindset to with it; that you’re okay going on without them. That you except the relationship is over.

However, some may be happy to hear that very mindset is also the best shot you have to get them back, as it’s your best shot at exuding confidence and strength.

So before taking any real steps, recognize where you’ll need to be. Try to recognize and accept where things are. And try to behave like you’re fine with it, even if you have to pretend! When you pretend to be okay, it proves to your mind that you’re capable of being okay. A strange, but very real truth.

Step 2: Block Them on Everything

Chances are, if you’re the one struggling with No Contact, you’re on a pretty light tipping point. And chances are way higher they know they can get you back whenever they want.

Don’t give them that power. You won’t be able to convince yourself to move on.

If you’re in a position where No Contact is necessary, you’re likely dealing with either a narcissist, or someone with narcissistic tendencies. And people like that always love a good ego boost. Where better to get that than from someone they believe is clamoring to have them back in their life?

Don’t give them that chance. And remember step 1, treat this process like you don’t want them back. As much as your mind, maybe even your body, screams otherwise, it’s an agonizing truth. Don’t let them keep the key back into your life so they can’t strut back in when they want to feel better about themselves.

Sometimes, a narcissist will even reach out to you so they can check up on you and “help you through” whatever you’re feeling. Don’t fall for it. They are the reason you’re feeling what you’re feeling. They don’t really care about how you feel, that’s just how they put they’re foot back in the door for a second. They want to verify that you really are in misery without them. It makes them feel more powerful.

Make them, force them to have time to really, deeply miss you. Give them the sorrow they so eagerly threw at you. It’ll make your relationship that much stronger if you do end up getting back together, and it’ll be that much more satisfying if you find yourself not wanting them back.

And believe me. If they really, really want you back, they’ll find away around the blocks.

Step 3: Remind Yourself What They Did

Do yourself a favor. Remember who they are.

Anyone willing to throw your relationship away in an instant likely hasn’t done this kind of thing before. Maybe they embarrassed you in an unfair and cruel way. Maybe they were consistently inconsistent in their morals as long as it means they get what they want.

But whatever it was, it likely stuck with you, despite any efforts of trying to ignore it. But now you don’t have to, so let it be another source of strength to get through it.

Write down those times they showed you they didn’t care. Anything from personally aggravating to just unnecessarily cruel. Put the paper in your wallet, pocket, purse, any place you can get to it when you need it. Then when you find yourself missing them most, take it out, read it, and take solace you don’t need to deal with that behavior anymore.

Don’t misread me. You have definitely had good moments, deep and impactful moments even, otherwise you probably wouldn’t be hurting this badly. I’m not saying you don’t have those. I am saying you likely have bad memories as well. And it can help to remember those negative aspects instead of harping on ones that will make you miss them.

It won’t make the pain all magically disappear, but it can definitely help for those times you can’t remember a flaw.

Step 4: Proper Sleeping

A lot of the time, when you’re going through something difficult, you’re at your most vulnerable when you’re trying to rest. In your bed at night, there’s no one around to distract you. Your brain is alone to bring up doubt and pain you spent the day running from.

So here’s something I’ve found helps.

Try to put in an earbud, obviously on the side you don’t intend to rest on.

Then put in a show you like. Not calm music, not a podcast (unless the next criteria is met in which case knock yourself out), a TV show.

Put something on you’ve seen a million times. Not a new show or one you haven’t seen very much, because you might find yourself getting focused on watching it instead of sleeping.

If you’ve seen it a lot, you enjoy watching, but it’s not keeping you up, as you know exactly what’s about to happen.

Not just that, but focus on your breathing. Breathe slowly, and thoughtfully. Then just drift off to your show.

Hopefully these steps are able to help. No Contact is, again, painful. And the results differ in terms of how long it can take for it to work, anywhere form a few weeks to a few months.

But stick through it. Use these techniques. The odds only go up things start going in your favor.

Whether that be you find them crawling back to you, or you see for yourself, you really can move on without them.

Book a Call with Coach Ken