It’s easier to get drawn into a negative relationship than a lot of people think.
It’s easy to get sucked into a relationship that started out seemingly perfect. Who doesn’t like the idea of an amazing relationship from the get-go?
But what if things seemed to change overnight?
What if a relationship that started out strong, amazing, maybe even surreal, slowly drifts into something you find yourself loathing to fight through again?
It may be time to decide whether or not the positive attributes outweigh the negative ones when it comes to your relationship choices.
But a breakup is something that’s not only difficult, but can leave you feeling drained and even hopeless, even after it’s all said and done.
If you’re unhappy and emotionally drained after a break up, you might not be feeling too optimistic about throwing yourself back out there.
But the truth is, opening yourself up to new opportunities is the only way you’re going to reach the happiness you seek.
The best thing you can do is to educate yourself well enough to know what to look for and what to avoid. It’s not a fail-proof plan, but by following certain strategies, you can increase your chances of a lasting relationship.
Try taking these actions to avoid negative relationships:
1. Avoid falling back on the wrong person.
If you’re feeling particularly lonely, you may feel the urge to fall back on someone that’s not right for you. Deep down you know that this person is not “the one” and yet you come crawling back anyway trying to convince yourself that maybe the person can change.
Chances are, they won’t.
Just because you are in a different place, it doesn’t mean the person you aren’t supposed to be with is also in a different place.
Try to remember who you want to be, or even become, and stay away from those that you know will keep you away from who you’re trying to be.
2. Spend time getting to know your partner.
Focus on getting to know your partner first before getting too serious in the relationship.
At the end of the day, relationships are commitments. It’s why cheating is such a serious betrayal if it happens.
Commitments like that aren’t something to take lightly, so don’t agree to anything without really knowing what you’re signing up for. No one can force you into a romantic relationship, so don’t be so eager to tie yourself down.
On top of that, try to have some of the heavy conversations somewhat near the beginning of the relationship. This way if you hit major snags you can either decide to work through it or move on quickly.
Can it be awkward? Absolutely. Depending on the answer, it could even be painful. But if you are serious about avoiding bad relationships, it’s something to seriously consider.
3. Learn your partner’s history.
Are there disturbing events in his or her past?
It’s usually best to avoid people who have a history of violence or intense addiction.
That’s not out of judgement or misplaced superiority. It’s just something that can be very stressful, and potentially even dangerous, to agree to.
If they do have such a history, and you do choose to proceed with the relationship, be extra cautious and set firm ground rules from the beginning.
Take your own rules seriously. If there’s a hint that they could be getting comfortable trotting all over where you placed clear boundaries: Walk away.
4. Avoid manipulative people.
Detecting manipulation can be tricky, as subtlety is usually a big part of it.
But in simple terms, if you find your partner is controlling and always has a selfish motive behind their actions, it isn’t the best relationship to be in.
This one can be difficult on top of the subtlety, since it can be easy to lie to yourself about their intentions.
Do not ignore patterns. If it seems like they always do what they want, get what they want out of you, and never take the time to sacrifice aspects of their life for you, it is not worth your time.
Recognize these red flags when you see them, and get out before you get too attached. As time goes on it will only get more difficult.
5. Make a checklist.
As said before, relationships are a commitment. So be confident in what you’re looking for!
Try to take some time to make a list of qualities you’d like to see in a partner. As well as ones you don’t think you’d be comfortable with.
This checklist should help you determine whether the next potential relationship is genuinely right for you.
Here’s a tip: avoid writing down superficial characteristics, such as looks. First and foremost, do your best to be attracted to things like personality. The superficial things can and will change as you age.
Remember, relationships can be difficult; it’s sad a reality of human nature. But risks are nothing new, and if you truly think love is worth it, then it is. There are plenty of people out there that will be a good match. The idea of only one person that you can truly end up with is a farce.
It’s okay to avoid relationships that sap your soul. Don’t think they’re your only option. It’s never the truth.
You do have a choice! Focus on finding the right partner for you and then take action to make it the positive relationship you’ve always dreamed of!
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