*This article is in response to a question posed on Quora.
Q: What should I do if I want to destroy a narcissist?
A: If you want to destroy a narcissist, and leave a serious emotional wound in return for the countless times they’ve ripped you open, just to make them know you’re willing to fight back – or get a morsel of your own dignity back, then I only know 3 options that work depending on the situation:
- If you’ve just realized they’ve been manipulating a situation for their own gain (they have been) or to sabotage someone else and you find it difficult to PROVE what you know is happening because everyone else is not only blind to it but protective of them and unsure of you then you have to find a way to GET EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME AND COMPARE FACTS. These people are brilliant at spreading horrible yet very effective half-truths whispered in numerous ears but with subtle facts changed that actually turn the facts they share into slightly somehow believable lies. I’m an extreme emotional empath and extroverted personality willing to do almost anything if I believe it’s right, and defend or forgive almost anyone if I believe in their heart/intent/remorse. It makes me a perfect victim for these pathetic manipulating non-humans. My former wife was one of the absolute worst – She would scream and punch me in the back of my head with her fist (I taught her how to make a fist for self-defense and because I can be an idiot). She pointed her nails into a bunched-up fingernail grouping and “stabbed” me in the face repeatedly while I was holding my 27′ iMac and trying to pack so I could get away from her. Left my face a bleeding mess. Finally, while she was shrieking like a demonic shrew and running at me one more time while my hands were full, I dropped everything in one arm and shoved her off of me when she got close enough to swing at me. I didn’t even break stride – it was a stiff-arm to just keep her off of me. She fell backward – not hard – but she didn’t fall gently either – just a normal way an insane person would fall if they were running at another person and bounced off of them. I kept most of the times she hit me quiet from anyone else, although I did tell more than a few people it was happening, I only told others about very few actual times because I was afraid she’d think I was trying to damage her reputation. So I kept it to a few people in the family and a few friends of mine I trusted. But once she fell, despite me coming back after loading the car and taking a deep breath to help her stand up she screamed at me for “throwing her to the floor” which never happened. Afterward she told EVERYONE I abused her – took photos of bruises she got from landing on the floor and had people I cared about wondering if I was a violent abuser. But my kids witnessed her attacks and her insanity and sometimes just evil intent – she even raised her fist to my 12-year-old daughter a couple of times – so she always avoided any setting that allowed various versions of her half-truth to hear the conflicting stories. They also know which people will likely believe which lies so they’re careful not to tell your mom something that she would know isn’t consistent with you – instead, they might tell her you’re doing some shameful addiction of some sort and tell yet another person something far darker and just as untrue but make them swear not to tell you out of fear. It works a lot – until one person decides to trust you and checks out the rumors with you. UNMASKING THESE GUTLESS MANIPULATORS IS ONE OF THE FEW THINGS THAT ACTUALLY HURTS THEM.
- If you want to make them a little angry and take back a little bit of dignity and control: PRETEND – PRETEND YOU DON’T HURT WHEN THEY DETACH FROM YOU. PRETEND YOU DON’T EMOTIONALLY ACHE FOR THEM AND THAT YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT THEM. BE JUST AS HAPPY OR HAPPIER WITHOUT THEM LIKE THEY ALWAYS PROVE THEY CAN WITHOUT YOU. YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE OK WITHOUT THEM. YOU’RE BENEATH THEM AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW SO THAT DRIVES THEM INSANE. TO EVEN THINK YOU MIGHT NOT BE SO EASILY PUNISHED EMOTIONALLY ANYTIME THEY CHOOSE.
- If you want to make them very angry and take back all of your dignity and control. Do everything I listed above, but stop pretending – and decide you mean it.
Best way I learned to destroy a narcissist is to remember the worst moments with this shell of a human. Over time, I’d become addicted to emotionally protecting her and justifying indefensible moments of hers to “prove” my idiotic love. Finally, a good friend told me I was brainwashing myself, that I lost sight of how pathetic I’d become. He suggested I make the choice to dwell on her actions, attacks, and remorseless intentions. All the facts of our every day life that proved there was no respect in how she saw me. He even told me I could be fair to her by refusing to dwell on anything she’d apologized for. Or anything she acknowledged was wrong and taken responsibility for doing.
It took a few weeks and complete lack of contact to get my mind back. But now that I do, I can’t explain how I ever justified things that I would NEVER have tolerated. Not from anyone for any reason. Not until I became determined to prove to this woman I loved her too much to ever leave her.
She peed in my drinking water.
Contacted old lovers.
Cheated on me.
Raised her fist to my daughter.
Threatened to give our daughter to a stranger to hurt me.
She’s done everything possible now to keep me from my daughter.
She leaned over me while my chest locked up before the ambulance got there. Then screamed that she would do whatever she had to do to take my daughter from me.
When my daughter tried to pull her back out of fear for me. She raised her fist and glared at her threatening to punch a 12 year old – Made me enraged. Paramedics said I was moments from stroking out when they arrived on scene – refused to let her in the ambulance.
She wouldn’t come get me when the hospital released me
Whatever she did – I could always calm down and justify to myself – and she knew it.
When I stopped caring. I meant it – now she knows that too.
She hates that more than anything.
That’s how you destroy a narcissist.