Heartbreak is one thing, but it’s another thing entirely when they immediately run to someone else.
It can leave you feeling confused, and even betrayed.
After all, if someone claimed to truly, genuinely love you, how could they turn around and run to someone else?
On top of that, what does it say about that person, or even YOU if they run to someone who isn’t like you at all?
Did they ever care? What did you do wrong? Where do you go from here?
What happened?
This article will break down each facet of the usual rebounding relationship. The goal from here is to give you explanations for the rebound, potentially explanations on why the relationship fell apart in the first place, and advice on where to go from here.
If you want to place your own appointment for a more personal assessment, you can make a call with Coach Ken at our homepage.
Firstly, what even caused the breakup?
Strange as it could sound, the fact that the person you were with rebounded can actually give you a clue as to what caused the breakup in the first place.
But first, I need to clarify a principle. While it’s definitely nice and healthy to have things in common, opposites are what really attract. And I don’t just mean interests.
We as humans all have strengths and weaknesses, physically, mentally, emotionally, all of it. Obviously, no one is perfect at everything.
You can work on those aspects as a person, sure, and it’s healthy to want to better round yourself. But naturally, behaviorally, there are gonna be things you’re just bad at; no matter how badly you which it weren’t the case.
So it stands to reason we’d find the strengths that we don’t have attractive in someone else. Those things you always recognized as a weakness, this person is just naturally fantastic at.
As an example, let’s say you’re a slow, calculative mind. Not slow intellectually speaking, just slow in the sense you like to take your time with important decisions, or even not-so-important ones.
If that’s the case, you’d probably find a more free-spirited person more attractive. Whereas you have a bad habit of overthinking, staying in comfortable scenarios, staying put, this person has no problems with that.
They’re outgoing, they’re spontaneous, they’re emotional, they’re what you aren’t, and that’s attractive.
…to a certain extent.
See, while it is attractive finding that person that perfectly covers all the spaces you lack, it can also lead to frustration.
Because if you really did find someone great for you, the principle works both ways. Odds are high they are bad at the things you’re great at, and that leads to anger.
If there’s something you find extraordinarily simple, its easy to get mad when that other person can’t just do that one thing. But sometimes, whether you realize it or not, you’re asking for that person to just “get over” the wiring that makes them the very person you fell in love with.
Conflict is healthy, it really is. You’re gonna come to odds with some things, but getting through it strengthens that bond incredibly.
But sometimes – people can get fed up with feeling like you can’t do what they see as phenomenally simple. They think to themselves “You know, this kind of thing wouldn’t be a problem with someone who just thinks like I do.”
So that’s what they do. They leave you in search of someone like them.
So what does that tell us?
Well for one, they’re making a mistake. So, take solace in that, but also don’t let it frustrate you too much.
It’s entirely possible, likely if you truly believe the other person to be a fundamentally good person, that they really think they’re doing what’s best for both of you.
In their mind, you two really aren’t a good fit because you think so dissimilarly, but that’s exactly what makes you such a good match.
If you’re like me, this can actually be more of an irritation, reading all this and being verified. You just wish they can see what you do, or at least see what’s reasonable as a relationship.
But don’t act on emotion.
If there’s anything you take out of this article: Don’t chase them.
If they’ve gotten to the point where they’ve left you for someone else, they’ve likely put thought into this, and they’re probably expecting you to go after them to some degree; don’t do it.
What should you do? Give understanding, give distance, and give time.
If you do contact them, just say you understand and leave it at that.
Say you get why they’ve been mad, and hurt, and that a lot of it has likely been justified. And while it’s a shame it didn’t work out, at least convey you’ve finally heard what they may have been trying to convey.
For a greater in-depth response, please see the attached video, as it admittedly puts it better than I feel I can right now with this point, but I digress.
If you were asking them to “rewire” themselves, apologize for that. But next to that, leave it be.
This is where you really invest in the principle, and be confident in what I’ve said here in this article.
When they go and find someone who’s basically a mental replica of them, while it can be absolutely relieving in the short term, it can get obnoxious and end up creating exponentially more problems than you two ever had.
Because let’s say a serious decision comes up, and they’re both the sort of reflexive personality. No one is there to slow down that type of thought process, and gather information that can help in the future.
It can lead to a lot of blame, problems, comparison, all of it.
Because yes, it can be incredibly annoying having someone you consider to be an opposite. They struggle with things you don’t and it comes across like they’re either an idiot, or just not trying at all.
But it’s important to focus on the benefits there. Where you are weak, they’re strong, and that creates a pretty unbelievably powerful dynamic.
So I can’t stress it enough – give them time. If you go chasing them now, it’s just gonna seem like you aren’t taking them seriously.
It’s gonna also make you come across as weak, and nothing kills attraction like weakness.
Enter No Contact. Follow the steps there, and trust this rebound is gonna crumble. Because even if it takes a while – it’ll crumble.
You just have to have proven you were strong enough when the smoke clears.
