Why Chasing Doesn’t Work

Clamoring to have someone back, or “chasing”, is so often brought up in relationship coaching.

And in such a negative light, too.

But why is that?

Is there something inherently wrong with something that’s just human nature?

Let’s get right to business here, and start with the breakup.

When having your heart broken, for a lot of people, your first instinct is to show them why that’s a mistake.

To get on your knees and cry to them about the mistake they’re making.

Bringing up the memories, the good times, and promising you’ll do whatever it takes to make things work.

It makes sense, why wouldn’t you?

This is, presumably, one of the most important people in your life, saying they’re done being with you.

Many times, that’s THE most important person!

Of course you’re going to fight for them.

Of course you’d do whatever it takes for them.

And it doesn’t make you weak for doing that, that just makes you human.

You may cry, you may beg, you might even get mad, all in an attempt to get them back.

It’s instinctual, it’s logical, it’s reasonable, it’s human nature to do that.

But it very rarely works.

And even if it does, chances are you’ve slapped a band-aid on that broken leg your relationship has.

Unless you take major steps from there to actually change something, that is.

But let’s say you didn’t even get there: Despite all the emotion, they’re gone. That’s it. It’s over.

Well if you really want them back, you should go after them



Here’s the thing, chasing is a natural response, as I said before.

And I mean that whole-heartedly, after reading this whole article, the idea is not to feel bad about it.

On the contrary, it’s to give you hope, and a starting point on where to go from here!

But no – chasing is a bad idea.

Here is why you do not chase.

Simply put? It’s not attractive.

Fact is, if someone ever caught feelings for you, there’s something about you they respected.

They really respect how funny you are, smart, athletic, happy, faith, could be anything.

And from there, it blossomed into respect for you as a person, creating attraction.

If they’re ready to break up, they’ve lost that respect.

Maybe not all of it, but at least enough to break up with you.

Their distain has overshadowed that respect.

That right there is why chasing is so detrimental.

Chasing is the ultimate way of dropping that respect for an all time low.

Here is someone saying they, literally, do not want to be with you anymore.

At the very least romantically, many times they just want you out of their lives in general.

And by chasing, you’re saying:

“I understand that you don’t want me, but I want you so bad I’ll put down whatever pride I have left to get you back.”

As kind and humble as that is, do you see why that’s not the best way to form attraction?

Attraction stems from respect – further putting yourself down is not going to help accomplish anything good.

So just don’t do it to yourself!

All it does is make the pain hurt worse and the other person feel even better about they’re decision.

So what’s the alternative?

What to do instead of chasing.

To be blunt?

Back off.

The first thought, from there, is usually this:

“But if I’m not fighting for the relationship, no one is!”

Reasonable! Wrong, but reasonable.

If they’ve broken up with you, that’s not a relationship anymore.

It’s a hope, it’s a memory.

I’m not trying to be insensitive or rude, not by any means, this is something I take deadly seriously.

But I’m also here to give you the facts, and advice.

So here’s some solid advice from me to you, reader.

There’s nothing more attractive than self-respect.

Not an ego, don’t get me wrong – just recognizing you have self-worth, no matter what anyone says.

Look at it like this; if someone has just broken up with somebody, who looks stronger in that scenario?

Is it the person that gets on their hands and knees, promising they’ll fix whatever needs “fixing”, covered in tears?

Or is it the one that acknowledges the loss of attraction, understands, and takes their leave?

See, strength is unwavering in the face of struggle.

And there’s nothing more attractive than strength; than something to respect.

Don’t be afraid to take a step back – don’t be afraid to do what you love.

Don’t even be afraid to be seen with other people!

By conveying strength, independence, fierce resolve, you convey someone who doesn’t shatter at the thought of being left alone.

By chasing, you only solidify, in their mind, what they think you are.

Don’t do that – shatter expectation, don’t meet it.